Last updated : November 11, 2024
How far would some folks go to cheat on a drug test? You might be surprised. When users cross that thin line between recreational use and addiction, when they don’t feel normal without the drug, you’re talking extreme measures for desperate people.
Their strategies don’t work.
Your average drug user can—and usually does—hit the web to scroll through a thousand and one ways to cheat a drug test. Hello? Reality check. Your average drug tester can—and usually does—surf those same pages to stay ahead of the curve. If you’re looking for a way to cheat and you find it, the experts already know about it.
Not only that, proper procedure makes coming up with a “new” way to cheat almost impossible. Face it, scientists and technicians are usually smarter and think faster than a brain slowed down and fogged up by drugs.
Urine Test
As this is the most common method used to test for drugs, it’s also the method cheaters claim is most easily beat. Still, they go unbelievable lengths trying to do just that—futilely, as their bad luck and science would have it. How far will cheaters go?
They’ll substitute someone else’s urine for their own. Most cheaters try to do this by hiding containers on or in their bodies—you know, like testers aren’t on the lookout for that kind of scam—and keeping the urine warm with hand warmers. Commonly suggested containers include:
- urine-filled condoms inserted in bodily orifices or taped to the leg and tucked up out of sight
- baby bottle nipples attached to urine-filled condoms and inserted into the body
- urine-filled plastic squeeze lemons sealed with wax and inserted into the body
But the misguided slight of hand gets crazier. Some users are so determined to pass the test, they actually use catheters to fill their bladders with someone else’s urine—or barring the help of drug-free friends, animal urine. Talk about an infectious disease waiting to happen! Plus, this desperate measure usually results in what testers call “dirty urine,” so the test will probably be tossed anyway. Your body is also constantly producing your own urine anyway, so if you’re tainted, so will the bodily fluid cocktail you’re going to end up “producing” for the sample.
They’ll use synthetic urine. No kidding. Stuff like this is sold online, complete with a delivery system. Unfortunately for cheaters, this kind of equipment and these concoctions are old news to testing professionals.
They’ll dilute the urine. The more harmless methods for doing this involve drinking lots and lots … and lots … of water or Gatorade or caffeine before a test. Sure, that dilutes the drug levels in urine; it also dilutes the urine itself, which means—you guessed it—the test is trashed because urine concentration is too low.
But people ingest worse than water, electrolytes, and caffeine to try to cheat. They’ve tried bleach and drain cleaners, which will kill you, or massive quantities of vitamins.
They’ll adulterate the urine. Some users will try to add something to their urine to skew test results, using everything from household products to additives they buy from snake oil salesmen. Trouble is, even if the testee manages to sneak an additive by the test observer and even if the additive does as advertised, labs test for the additives, too.
Hair Test
The second most common drug test is the hardest to beat, since it can reveal drug use as far back as 90 days—longer, if the hair is longer.
Still, cheaters have tried to get around it by shaving off all their hair—as in, all their hair, everywhere. What, did you think they’d just let you go without a test if you have no hair to test? Get real. This might actually work if you know you haven’t used in the last 90 days, but someone who used 90 days ago probably also used recently enough to pop a positive on another test—because there will be an alternative.
Saliva Test
This one isn’t used much, but cheating tips are out there. Brush your teeth, they say. Carry mouthwash to the test, they say. Oh, and be sure the cotton swab doesn’t touch your cheeks. Seriously, do they honestly expect to get away with this stuff? Sorry, no. If they get enough saliva for the sample, they’ve got enough to bust you.
Bottom line, the experts have as many ways to catch cheaters as cheaters have to cheat. When you factor in the health risks cheating may involve and add the extra trouble when cheaters get caught (and they will), going cold turkey seems like the smartest idea.
