Last updated : December 23, 2024
It’s easy to slip up and say something stupid when you’re a public figure because so many people are listening to literally everything you say, but there are a handful of people who turn this into an art form by saying things that are so mindbogglingly stupid that you’d swear they had to be on drugs.
That lead to the next logical step, which is to drug test them. Now, we’re pretty certain none of these people are actually going to step up to be tested, but wouldn’t it be fun to find out what they’re actually on?
I think it would be fascinating. So without further ado, here are five public figures we’d like to drug test stat!
Donald Trump
Love him or hate him, you have to admit that our 45th president possesses such poor impulse control that you’d swear that he has to be on drugs. Perhaps there is a drug that has a side effect of turning your skin the orange hue of an Umpa Lumpa? Between his lack of impulse control, short temper, and tendency to exaggerate, the signs are all there. Besides, if our brave troops must be drug tested, shouldn’t their boss be too?
Hank Johnson
This U.S. Representative for Georgia’s 4th congressional district seems to have skipped all of his geology classes to smoke weed, and hasn’t stopped since then. That’s literally the only way to explain his misguided and highly amusing concern that Guam would simply tip over if too many Marines were deployed to the Naval base located there. While it’s scary that any adult would have such a ridiculous lack of basic science, it’s absolutely terrifying that said adult is in charge of major policy decisions for the citizens of America. Hank’s fearful scenario in this video sounds a lot like a either a bad acid trip or a great disaster movie.
Charlie Sheen
Tiger blood, Adonis DNA, and cocaine, oh my! Charlie Sheen is the poster child for substance abuse and all of the negative consequences that come with it. The reality is that between his ridiculous behavior, multiple trips to rehab, and public admission of frequent and ongoing drug use, we really don’t need to give this guy a drug test. Just be sure not to put him behind the wheel of any kind of vehicle unless it’s bolted down in front of a store and runs on quarters.
Anthony Weiner
Disgraced congressman Anthony Weiner displays all of the classic signs of an addictive personality by repeatedly ignoring the consequences and engaging in sexting scandals. While such poor decision making theoretically could be the result of a sexual addiction, it’s more likely that it’s not his only addiction.
Nancy Pelosi
I can understand how Nancy Pelosi’s jitteriness and frequent nonsensical rambling might lead one to believe she is under the influence of some kind of drug. In one such example, she insisted that for every month her spending bill wasn’t approved, 500 million Americans would lose their jobs. I may not be a mathematician, but with a population of about 321 million citizens, that isn’t even possible. I’m not sure which drugs make you terrible at math, but whatever they are, it seems certain that she is on them.
